what does this story have to do with the Serenity Prayer, let alone recovery? In our active addictions we cannot find fulfillment, happiness, or peace in our lives. We run away and just when we realize that we have run too far we are swept up in the tornado/drug of our choice.
Times have changed. When I was a child, there were very few resources on how to talk to children about sex, much less how to raise sexually healthy kids. Today, there are good resources on the market to help parents work with children. I won’t even try to list them. The fact that we have […]
For those who don’t know or may have forgotten it is masturbation month. The progression of sexual health and female sexuality and independence, which isn’t to say that guys don’t indulge in, the sometimes still taboo act of, masturbation can be summed up with a story that some may remember. Back in 1994, our surgeon […]
Disclosure: The Problem with Reassurance In recovery, disclosure is an important and difficult undertaking for the addict, the partner, and the relationship. For the partner, disclosure is often traumatic to varying degrees. As the addict, there are things you can do to make the disclosure process easier and there are things you can do that […]
Teen Females with PSB The client is a 15-year-old girl referred by her guidance counselor. “Amber” has been disciplined by her high school for sending naked selfies to her boyfriend, which came to the attention of a teacher as the sexts were liberally shared around the sprawling suburban campus. Her horrified parents initially labeled the […]
Intimate Betrayal: A Unique Trauma If you are reading this blog then you are likely here because someone you love has betrayed you with his or her harmful or compulsive sexual behavior. Perhaps the person who has hurt you is someone you deeply love and trusted most in this world - your husband or wife, […]
The Many Gifts of Disclosure Helping couples dealing with sexual betrayal navigate the process of getting to, going through, and healing after disclosure is a complex process, demanding a high level of skill, wisdom, adaptability, and structure on the part of the therapist. Disclosure, as a key phase in the recovery process for both the […]
Todays’ Pornography, #Metoo, and Some Very Disturbing Patterns of Porn Fueled “Bad Dates” When I think about pornography and its impact on society these days, I am stunned by how things have changed over the last 25 years. As a sex therapist certified in the very early 1990’s I was trained in the late 1980’s, […]
‘Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder’ Will Soon Be Diagnosable Using the ICD In 2013 the editors of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-5), manual of mental health diagnoses, declined to add a disorder called “Hypersexual Disorder.” This has caused major problems, according to experts: This exclusion has hindered prevention, research, and treatment efforts, and left clinicians […]
Are You Doing Whatever it Takes to Recover? During my 8½ year tenure at PCS (Psychological Counseling Services, Ltd) I sat in many sessions during the PCS intensives with some clients (most clients were from out-of-state) who expressed their reluctance to step outside their zone of familiarity. They were sitting in the middle of […]
Denial or Betrayal Blindness? The impact to attachment Many betrayed partners enter therapy in a state of shock and disbelief, reeling from the discovery of their partner’s extracurricular sexual behaviors. They sit on my couch and tell me they had no idea, not even an inkling, of what their significant other was doing. They have […]
Male Vulnerability to Out-of-Control Sexual Behavior The majority of individuals who experience out of control sexual behavior are men. Why? This question is complex as is the answer. The ecological model of clinical social work (Pardeck, 1988) provides a frame in which we can understand the contributing factors that have resulted in men’s vulnerability to […]
Neuroscience and PSBs In recent years, neuroscience discoveries about the reward system and human sexuality have shed new light on both problematic and healthy sexual behavior. As can be expected with any new paradigm, however, some doubtful neuroscience claims have also appeared in the media. As a neurosurgeon and the author of several papers on […]
Be A Super Hero Creative therapies can nurture resilience in a client. When used to heal individuals it can be an impactful tool in moving clients along in the therapeutic process. My passion is working with clients who are experiencing relational trauma, especially those traumas that are created by intimacy issues, infidelity and/or sex/love addicted spouses. Resilience […]
For those in recovery, journaling may be a common practice. It is the process of recording your thoughts on a regular basis. The value in doing this exercise is it often provides clarity in thoughts that may be in our minds or it allows one to visually experience and see the words that clutter the […]
Imagine the following scenario: your work life has been growing in complexity for several years and what started as occasional viewing of pornography to ‘ease that stress’ has grown to become a nightly habit of hours spent hidden away from your wife and children and the eventual discovery by your wife of disturbing and upsetting […]
It was my first meeting of a men’s society of addiction treatment specialists, and my nervousness made me arrive early. Anxious questions ran the hamster wheel in my head. Would I fit in? I’m a recovery coach; would the gray conference room be filled with condescending psychiatrists and psychologists? That was my fear, anyway. The […]
Sex Addiction? There is a lot of debate about sexual addiction, with some therapists actually calling it a myth. I would suggest that these clinicians have never visited a 12-step sexual recovery meeting, sitting quietly and listening to the shame-filled, consequence-laden stories of the participants, and noticing the obvious similarities between sex addiction and other […]
Sexual Health in a Risky World Avoiding #RiskyBusiness during Mental Health Month. In today’s world, sex addiction has become a term that is often seen in the media or discussed in the news. Celebrities, athletes, and reality show stars identify themselves as sex addicts and the media perpetuate the term by giving these stories more […]
Young People Need Critical Porn Analysis; ‘Porn Literacy’ Is Not Enough A new conversation is happening in educational circles, with many speaking up about the need for kids and teens to become ‘porn literate’. It is increasingly evident that kids cannot cope with the onslaught of pornographic images they can openly access at the […]
Should men rely on frequent masturbation to prevent prostate cancer? Many men in online porn recovery forums have heard rumors to the effect that, “Research has conclusively proven that frequent masturbation is vital to protect against prostate cancer.” When they contemplate eliminating porn use for a few months to see if their symptoms resolve, […]
Can Age-Verification on Porn Sites Protect Both Kids and Privacy? Yes! I recently saw a fiery UK headline proclaiming that, “Age-verification for online porn will be a security disaster.” As a privacy lover, I was curious as to whether the concerns it raised are legitimate. I turned to expert Ernie Allen, who for years has […]
Creating a Safer Experience for Your Family In honor of Safer Internet Day 2017 and as a supporter of the event, it seemed appropriate to write a blog about internet safety and kids for the SASH blog. One of the challenges in this ever changing world of technology is knowing what is available to protect kids […]
